When the feeling of your jealously is out of control .

You try to control your feeling's . Act like nothing bother's you . Act like you don't care a single thing what people might say . Act like everything gonna be okay. But no , at last , your mindset change & you have those bad feeling's that can't control yourself.

I'm hurt being attached and at the same time i'm hurt being single. How am i going to live this kind of way ? 

But for now , the most fear i've is that losing my bay right here from my side and he left away chasing a new damn bitch. OFW. 

I find it sometimes that i'm just so stupid to think about this but it might be happening right ? His friend text him saying A girl asking for his number and i right here infront of him reading those messages . Feel like throwing his phone but i can't. Feel like taking back the sim card i  bough for him so no one contact him , but i can't. Feel like cry my tear's out infront of him so he knows how much i've been hiding my feeling's from the start. Feel like walk away and never look back.

Haiya , i feel sometimes i'm not good enough and he can find someone better than me but he say that i'm totally prefect for him. I feel like sometimes i wanna shout at those bitches who try to ruin my relationship but i don't have the guts to do so cause i know what for girl's fight's just because of a guy ? I feel like i wanna seat down staring at bay and let out my feeling's and let he know who sacrifice and hurt the most ?

And i got the feeling that i control bay too much and maybe he stressed up. But yet i got the feeling's that he wanted to have that opportunity to text other girl but he scared that i get to know it and ended up i leave him. But of course i will leave him la. Dah tak tahan.

Waaaaaaaa , I swear , this is the first time relationship in my life that i've sacrifice my feeling's , sacrifice my anger just not to lose him . Am i DUMB ? 

Lagyyy sedih bulu ape tauuuuuu , his friend know that his attached and his friend know me but than his friend ask him "kawan aku nak number kau boleh ?" LIKE WTF SIA ? If you have a brain to think , you would tell that bitch "sorry , fahmi dah attached dengan liya." OR "tk buleh ah fahmi dah attach" WTH. GERAM SIA.

Now my trust slowing fading away again. I know it's not bay fault. But what happened behind my back ? I would not know what he did. I stress ah having a life like this.